can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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