SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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