he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
