maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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