I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
