hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
