cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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