my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
