everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
