i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
