The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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