I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
why is half of my head shaved?
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