Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
