Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
