at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
