i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
