My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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