I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
