a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
