Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
