Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
