He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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