your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
