i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
