I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
