she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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