Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
