Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
