Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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