We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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