i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No subtext here. People are naked.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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