the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
