I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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