Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
