please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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