he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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