Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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