life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
