dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
