I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
wow bdsm is so cute
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
