I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
