i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
