i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
