I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
