hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
