Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
