I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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