I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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