come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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