I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
