I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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