You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
