I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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