and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
