i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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