Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
